There was once a girl named Lilly with a brother name Mike, Mike was a prankster. One day Lilly went to get her haircut because shewanted afringe, when she came back she went to her room and not long after Mike bursted into her room and threweggs on her and squirted black ink all over her room. He got it washed up but he was still very pleased with himself. But Lillygo get her hair fixed up but Mike decided to strike again while Lilly was in the hairdressers, the lights started flickering and he striked…...
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I really liked . . . because . . .
I really liked the way you . . .
I enjoyed reading this because . . .
It was especially good when you . . . because . . .
I think you need to . . . because . . .
Next time you write . . .
Think about adding . . .
Have you thought about . . .
To improve your . . . try . . .
Perhaps you could . . .