There was this day when a box came out of the sky and as it was falling I could hear something rattling inside BANG! It fell on the ground everyone around me stopped as they heard the box CREEK open and something was inside. We all hid as a racoon came out of the box, Wow we all said it was just a racoon. BOOM! The box exploded and something was coming for us. Leaves were falling out of a tree, one leaf fell and shattered it was like a piece of ice. Everything that the army touched would shatter to pieces or turn into a massive monster.
I really liked . . . because . . . I really liked the way you . . . I enjoyed reading this because . . . It was especially good when you . . . because . . .
I think you need to . . . because . . . Next time you write . . . Think about adding . . . Have you thought about . . . To improve your . . . try . . . Perhaps you could . . .
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I really liked . . . because . . .
I really liked the way you . . .
I enjoyed reading this because . . .
It was especially good when you . . . because . . .
I think you need to . . . because . . .
Next time you write . . .
Think about adding . . .
Have you thought about . . .
To improve your . . . try . . .
Perhaps you could . . .