When we were going for a walk down by the river when we suddenly came to a stop …..
I saw this stone type thing floating through the stream I told my dad and he said “ Let's secretly go down there and check it out” and I said “ok” so we made sure that no one was coming and we ran down to the river and we were just in time to grab so dad held onto this log and reached out and grabbed it was heavier than I expected it we saw there was a lock on it so I grabbed a stone and smashed we lifted the lid up and saw …….
Sunday, October 13, 2019
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Hello Caitlyn!
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed reading your work, it was an interesting idea. Smashing the lid open sounded extreme - I hope that it wasn't anything delicate inside!
Next time have a close look at where you want full stops to go , it will help the reader know how you want it read.
Keep writing!
Mrs McCalmont Gloucestershire England
Hello there Mrs McCalmont
Deletethank you so much for posting a comment
From - Caitlyn
i really liked your story and i think you'll like mine https://kidblog.org/portfolio/5yjvi0dqkgjaa3eefi1jrqmjp/posts/009s25i2t61jw9pk5roewtr9b
ReplyDeleteI will cheak your blog out soon t6hanks for the comment mikayla
DeleteFrom- Caitlyn
Hey Caitlyn!
ReplyDeleteEnjoyed your story that you wrote, though it is lacking some details and mature words to replace plain ones like floating to bobbing or reached or grabbed with snatched! You can use that advise for your story. And also don't forget to make it more energetic and lively. The story was good overall!
-Leona
THank you so much for the comment please keep commenting it is great for our blog i will take the advise for this weeks blog
ReplyDeletefrom - Caitlyn