“Yes I would like that one please”I ask the shopkeeper.
“Are you sure, you want that hat” the shopkeeper asked me again.
“Yes I do”I moaned. Finally the shopkeeper gave me the hat.
“OK now to do the grocery shopping” I said to myself.
I left the hat on the floor of my car and left the window open a smidge.
As I came back to my house I suddenly realised why was that hat on the table?
I asked myself.I looked at the big red hat, it looked as if it was beaming at me
“Oh no”I said to myself.I had just bought a walking hat!!!
“Are you sure, you want that hat” the shopkeeper asked me again.
“Yes I do”I moaned. Finally the shopkeeper gave me the hat.
“OK now to do the grocery shopping” I said to myself.
I left the hat on the floor of my car and left the window open a smidge.
As I came back to my house I suddenly realised why was that hat on the table?
I asked myself.I looked at the big red hat, it looked as if it was beaming at me
“Oh no”I said to myself.I had just bought a walking hat!!!
Hi Brooke,
ReplyDeleteI really liked your story. It was very interesting how you chose to use so much dialogue to tell your story - very impressive, well done! This creates a great atmosphere that draws the reader into the conversation, and is a very interesting way of showing the reader what is going on in the story and what your character is thinking as they talk aloud to themselves.
Be careful to add a space after each full stop to make sure your grammar is correct!
I liked the way you used the prompt. It was very imaginative to make your hat a little fantastical! They way you used that fact, revealing it only at the end, is also a good technique. It leaves the reader wondering what is going to happen next!
What do you think would happen next? Would our character get on with their new hat, or might it try to run away? I definitely think this is a good idea that you could use for a longer story if you wanted!
Keep on writing!
Ana, Team 100, Oxford, England