“Bep bep” My alarm went off .I jumped out of bed went to look at my calendar for the morning.No it can't be it just can't be i'm too late i look the a freak and i need to straight my hair.”How on earth did I forget it was photo day “I said to myself frustrated.Now that on earth am i going to wear, I run to the table and grabbed my laptop and i facetimed my friend. “Yo i have no clue what to wear HELP ME” . “It had been raining all morning so its postboned.” said Rebecca.That moment i felt like screaming the roof off.
Thursday, June 28, 2018
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Hi Rita,
ReplyDeleteI love the energy of your story - it's a rollercoaster of emotion and angst over a classic motif of the 'bad school photo'. Your reinvention of the alarm clock onomatopoeia from 'beep' to 'bep' is charmingly disarming. I feel that the energy of your story would be even more powerful if you reread and double-checked your writing more, as there are quite a few mistakes (typos, punctuation, spelling). These are things that will come more naturally the more you write, so nothing to worry about too much now, but I would recommend going over the story with your teacher so they can help you write an even better story next time. You have real narrative force so I hope to see more of your writing in future! Well done!
Best,
Elise (Team 100) - London :)