“Gotcha” yelled our friends. We went off to go back home for the party then mum asked “why are you on the T.V”, then dad walked in and asked
“What is going on” dad asked.
“We seemed to be on the television” I replied confused.
I really liked . . . because . . .
I really liked the way you . . .
I enjoyed reading this because . . .
It was especially good when you . . . because . . .
I think you need to . . . because . . .
Next time you write . . .
Think about adding . . .
Have you thought about . . .
To improve your . . . try . . .
Perhaps you could . . .
I liked how you expressed your confused expression when you saw yourself on the television. How were you on tv? Was there a secret camera in the room that was recording you and your surroundings? I think you could’ve added what exactly on the tv, your background and surroundings, who else was on, etc.
ReplyDeleteYour friend,
Mohammad