Thursday, May 10, 2018

100WC Week #30 by Abbie

I was in the  lounge listing to some music with the mailbox in sight, so I could see if my speaker had arrived.  Then my Mum walked through the kitchen into the lounge and sat down beside me. 
She handed me a brown cardboard box with tape all around it.  I said ¨Thanks¨  and opened it right up. When I saw what it was a big smile came on my face  and my eyes opened wide. ¨When did it arrive?¨ I said.
She replied ¨Oh just this morning.¨  I pulled out  my earphones and connected the speaker to my phone. 
by Abbie

By -

4 comments:

  1. AnonymousMay 14, 2018 at 2:58 PM

    Good job Abbie i liked how you used this sentence. good punctuation as well its a great story

    ReplyDelete
  2. AnonymousMay 14, 2018 at 3:02 PM

    I really liked how you described your excitement when you opened up the box. Good work Abbie.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Cath TempleMay 14, 2018 at 6:26 PM

    Hi Abbie, you have used the challenge phrase really well. It is great how you set the scene (listening to music, but with one eye on the mailbox). This creates interest for the reader, wondering what you are waiting for. What I really like though is the "warmth" you create in the story between the girl and the mother. You done this through the dialogue. Well done. (Cath, Team 100, Melbourne, Australia)

    ReplyDelete
  4. AnonymousAugust 12, 2018 at 4:00 PM

    I really liked how you described how you felt when you opened the box great work Abbie

    ReplyDelete

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