“Mum Mum come quickly I found something on the deck in the backyard and it says Zara Mcgoal.” Zara was really puzzled about Zara Mcgoal because her name was Zara Mcmaggie. She kept thinking and then an idea popped up in head and she thought about going around the neighbourhood and knocking everyone's door. Then she finally came to the last door on her street and knocked. Then she thought that it was her house, bang she hit her head into a girl named Zara Mcgoal so Zara Mcmaggie ran away with the box all the way back and open it and tried to make it but I didn’t understand the instructions...
Thursday, May 24, 2018
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I really liked your writing because you made your character sound interesting.But I think you need to cheek your sentences
ReplyDeletebecause it said then an idea popped in head instead an idea popped up in her head.
Gracy.
Hi Nandani,
ReplyDeleteI agree with the last comment that you need to re-read your work and edit it so that the reader can focus on the creative idea rather than having to interpret tenses and sentence structur. What do you think.
I do like the idea of finding a mysterious parcel though, even if it did belong to the girl up the road :)
It's great for me to find a NZ post as most that I comment on are in various other parts of the world. We have a lovely sunny day here in New Plymouth. I hope you do too.
Thanks for sharing,
Jackie (Team 100WC)
New Plymouth
NZ
I realy like the way you used proper names
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