Thursday, May 10, 2018

100WC week#30 By Olivia

“Ashlee come down here, you have a parcel waiting for you!”
“Be patient I’m coming!” . I raced downstairs to see what it was. “When did it arrive” I said. 
“Just now” said Mum
I took the parcel upstairs and plonked it on my desk. I looked at the gift tag to see what it said, the gift tag said “from ???” I opened the little parcel carefully, there was a tiny box. I opened the
box slowly, in it there was a small note saying... meet me at your front gate. 
So I went, all of a sudden everything went pitch black. I couldn't feel anything.
By Olivia.

2 comments:

  1. this comment is for Olivia
    i really like your story because when you said meet me in the front gate it really bring back descriptive writing and it is nice writing. from Notch

    ReplyDelete
  2. hi Olivia
    I really liked the way you said that the note said meet me at the gate the it went dark. it was quite spooky at the end
    Natasha

    ReplyDelete

I really liked . . . because . . .
I really liked the way you . . .
I enjoyed reading this because . . .
It was especially good when you . . . because . . .

I think you need to . . . because . . .
Next time you write . . .
Think about adding . . .
Have you thought about . . .
To improve your . . . try . . .
Perhaps you could . . .