Lost Package
So it was Mother's Day. . I ordered a package and inside was a priceless jewel necklace and I’m going to give it to my mother first before my sibling’s do. “Ding dong” The package it’s here, it’s here, it’s here! I’ll put you on the table while I get a snack. WHAT! “Dad my package it’s gone” “When did it arrive” he said. It arrived a second ago.
By Gracy
Thursday, May 10, 2018
4 comments:
I really liked . . . because . . .
I really liked the way you . . .
I enjoyed reading this because . . .
It was especially good when you . . . because . . .
I think you need to . . . because . . .
Next time you write . . .
Think about adding . . .
Have you thought about . . .
To improve your . . . try . . .
Perhaps you could . . .
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I really liked the way you stopped when the package went missing
ReplyDeleteyo gracy
ReplyDeleteI really liked your cliff hanger because the package goes missing. I really liked the way you made it goes missing. I enjoyed reading this because it was a good choice of words.
I think you need to make it more action full because there aren't much action in it. next time you write put more action in it!!!! think about adding ACTION. have you thought about adding action. to improve your story try to make it more for-full and scary perhaps you could make it go boom!!!!!!!!!
Hi Gracy I like how you use the prompt and the day it was.
ReplyDeleteBy Abbie
Hi Gracy I like how you used the prompt and how you also answered the question.
ReplyDelete