Sunday, August 4, 2019

Aug 19 (6) - 100WC - Charlee - The Room

I run into a room full to the brim, I duck and dodge reaching for the distant corner, where I bow my head in disbelief, tears streaming down my cheeks I heard them before I saw them the copper, the pig the fuzz I could tell he was trying to be careful but then again I could tell he was one of those fat cartoony donut loving cops. Donut box in hand vases and boxes tumbling all around him, (clearly to fat for the room) he finally spotted me crouched in the corner with a wet face staring at him, “h...h...hey” he stumbled with a nervous expression slowly pulling a taser from his pockets “s..stop” he finished, I jump up looking all around for an escape, with a blink of an eye I’m gone.]

1 comment:

  1. Hi Charlee,
    Your 100WC has wonderful flow and a really great story line. You have created very believeable characters which the reader can see in their mind's eye.

    Next time you write think about using puncutation. This makes it much easier for the reader to understand.

    ReplyDelete

I really liked . . . because . . .
I really liked the way you . . .
I enjoyed reading this because . . .
It was especially good when you . . . because . . .

I think you need to . . . because . . .
Next time you write . . .
Think about adding . . .
Have you thought about . . .
To improve your . . . try . . .
Perhaps you could . . .