Wasteland
They hurtled towards them like a bullet train, I almost felt bad for them as they torn to shreds by, whatever monsters had been pursuing me, but now they were chowing down on the mercenaries . As more of their friends found me, I heard them before I saw them they weren't chowing down in the other room they were chowing down on the dudes. blood was flying like an abstract drawing.
They ran as I bolted for the exit their jaws covered in blood their raspy voices chatting an ancient hymn I flopped and couldn't move i was a goner
Hi Mitchell
ReplyDeleteYour 100WC is fast paced and interesting to read. I love the way you described the train and the blood. Well done.
Think about adding puncuation, especially full stops to make sentences. It makes it easier for the reader to understand what you have written.
Mrs P (Team 100WC)
Wellington, New Zealand
Hi Mitchell,
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed reading your story, it was super creepy! Really creative use of the prompt, so well done there. Your use of similes (e.g. "like a bullet train") is great, it really helps the reader visualise this scary scene. I also enjoyed your choice of words, which is quite creative- using "hurtled" for example rather than just simply "run", or where you used "chowing" rather than just "eating". Using more unusual words like this helps make your story more entertaining and also makes your writing seem more advanced.
If there's something you could improve on, it is probably your punctuation. I'm sure your teacher can help with that!
Keep on writing!
Ana, Oxford UK, Team 100wc