Thursday, May 10, 2018

100 WC #30 Nandani

The Doll Package
“Honey something is at the door and it has your name on it” Dad shouted.
“What,I got a package, didn't you say no package before age?”
“Yes but it just came with no receipt or letter.”  I thought that Dad was playing a prank on me but his face told the truth.
“When did it arrive?” I said
“Do not know” Dad  squcked
It was night time and something cracked out of the box that I got. I went out my bed to see
It was a doll holding a knife and the knife had blood around. . I went to check on Dad but we was nowhere to be found.
By Nandani

3 comments:

  1. Hi Nandani,
    Great story! Very spooky. I liked the way you set up the story giving no details about the package until the very end. It built up great suspense. Then the reveal of the doll at the end was really creepy. I especially liked the cliff hanger you left on. I'd like to hear more. Keep up the good work.
    Michael (Team 100wc), Warwick, UK

    ReplyDelete
  2. Hi Nandani
    it was especially good when you ended with a scary ending and not so that we did not know what happened to the dad

    ReplyDelete
  3. Hi Nandani
    good job i really really like your story it is one of my favorites and what happens to the dad?

    ReplyDelete

I really liked . . . because . . .
I really liked the way you . . .
I enjoyed reading this because . . .
It was especially good when you . . . because . . .

I think you need to . . . because . . .
Next time you write . . .
Think about adding . . .
Have you thought about . . .
To improve your . . . try . . .
Perhaps you could . . .