“What is that,” said Zoe.”Whats under the spikes?” said Olivia walking in circles with excitement.” I think its a fruit,” said Chloe.” No it can't be" said Olivia. Zoe started to walk toward the path forwards, and the rest followed along.”I’m scared, it's everywhere” said Chole.”What if it came alive?”said Olivia.”Oh just stop being babies just grow up in life once you two!” said Zoe.”Let's just keep walking forwards and we will reach the top of the mountain" said Zoe angrily. They didn't move and just looked at each other “what if it ruled the world, would there be a brighter future for us all?” said Olivia.
Hi rita i like the way you started and made the sotry scary
ReplyDeleteand i would like to know what happens nexts
Excellent use of direct speech this week Rita. Don't forget that each new speaker means a new paragraph.
ReplyDeleteHi Rita,
ReplyDeleteI really liked your story! It's great that you used dialogue to explain what is going on and how your characters are feeling/what they are thinking. It is also good that you used speech marks ("") to demonstrate when someone was talking. However, make sure to make a new paragraph for new speakers in order to make your writing more easy to understand.
A tip that I find useful when writing dialogue is to read it aloud to myself after I have written it. This helps me to know if it sounds like something my character would say, and if it makes sense. For example, read aloud the line ”Oh just stop being babies just grow up in life once you two!” from your story. You might notice one little mistake- to make sense, it should be "for once" not just "once".
However this is just one little problem in a otherwise really great and imaginative story!
Keep on writing!
Ana, Team 100wc, Oxford, England